(paraphrasing, as closely as I can remember to what Mr.S originally said)

"When I first came to America I planned to work for my Uncle who lived here.  He had offered me a job.  I thought that he worked furniture but as it turned out he worked in funerals; he was a funeral director!  When I saw that there were corpses laid out for preparation I decided that after being a soldier I had already seen enough of that.  Working there wasn't something I wanted to do.

Then I went to work at a drug store but my English wasn't very good back then.  The boss told me how to make malted shakes.  A customer came in and asked for aspirin, I gave him a malt; that's how I got fired from my first job.

Then I went to work at a theater as an usher.  They told me all I needed to do was ask the people if they wanted to sit at the front, middle, or back of the theater.  I don't know why; its not like the seats cost more or less.  Anyway, after seating the people I sat down and watched the movie too.  That's how I got fired from my second job."

-Mr.S